The Bikini Bottom Tour
by HettyBobcat
Summary: Hetty Bobcat puts together a tour group from Deviant Art's SpongeBob fans! This story follows their tour through Bikini Bottom!
1. Chapter 1

Bikini Bottom Tour:

Legal-ish jargon:

This is a non-profit fan fiction. Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Spongebob, Gary, Squidward, and Patrick belong to Nickleodeon and Stephen Hillenberg and are used without permission for non-profit fan purposes. Meg, Gray Kitty, Chiclit, Kimi, Muffin, Chad, Chuba, Liz, T. Pelican, Shelly, Sapphira, and Neko belong to their respective owners and are used in this story with the expressed written permission of each person. Hetty Bobcat belongs to me. 

The Bikini Bottom Tour:

Rated K+

This is the Fan Fiction version of the long awaited Bikini Bottom Tour I "advertised" for earlier this year. Every fan-created character represents an individual who created the character as a sort of avatar of themselves to interact on a more personal level with the denizens of Bikini Bottom. Even though this story is specifically dedicated to these people (you know who you are!) I hope many more people read and enjoy this silly little story.

~*~

Hetty Bobcat waited on the sandy island. Coconut trees swayed in the blustery ocean breeze. The smell of brine was heavy in the air, somewhat refreshing. A cargo ship came into view, tiny at first on the horizon. "Ah, good. The tourists have arrived!" She glanced at a clipboard in her hand, mostly striking a pose for the vacationers to see when they first arrive. The ship pulled up to a dock, a cargo net full of people hanging over head. Various creatures struggled and writhed within the rope enclosure. The stream of grunts, groans, and complaints melded together, forming one low roar. The sound blended in with the breaking waves.

The golden yellow bobcat walked down the dock, standing almost directly below the mass of voyagers. "Sorry about the cramped conditions. The price you paid for the vacation didn't cover actually getting here, so I had to come up with something cheap. Right this way!" She chimed, pulling an obviously over-sized lever, spilling the passengers onto the ocean-worn wood. A heaping mass anthromorphic animals seemed to ooze forth as one by one the tourists freed themselves, and took standing positions on the dock.

"If you'll follow me we can get this trip underway." The tour-guide bobcat smiled a sharp, toothy smile. Her short, brown hair in its tangley curls, whipped behind her in the island wind. The guests followed, still mumbling and complaining and dusting themselves off.

The island was mostly barren. There were a couple of trees and lots of sand on the tiny mass of land protruding from the surface of the sea. Everyone looked around, expecting a hotel or at least a camp site. Nothing. "The price you paid for the vacation didn't cover accommodations either." Hetty smiled again, non-apologetically. "So I figured I'd build a sand-castle!" She dropped to her knees and began piling wet sand into a mound. She stood, the hump no higher than her knee. "I've always sucked at sand-castles. How about I make sand teepees?" A pelican cleared his throat, urging her to get on with things.

"Oh, yeah. I suppose it would be best to get on with the tour. As I have scheduled, we're going to be touring Bikini Bottom for two days. We've got a lot of sites to see. In the evening we'll haul back up to the surface to sleep and then it's back in the ocean first thing in the morning before the freighter returns to take you back to the main-land." Everyone's eyes went wide, looking at each other with trepidation and low expectations.

"First order of business, role-call!" She referred to her clip board again, this time with purpose. She glanced up through her lashes. Her eyes bugged for a moment as she finally noticed the motley group of creatures before her. "As I call your name, step forward and start forming a new line. Gray Kitty!"

"Here!" a perky gray cat in a Hawaiian shirt and lei leaped forward and then stood at attention about 3 feet in front of her original position.

"T. Pelican." A few tourists down the line a small, purple pelican in a blue and red baseball cap stepped forward quietly. He opened his mouth, pulling a suitcase from within. Slimy and covered in saliva, he set it on the sand beside him. Hetty secretly controled the urge to wretch.

"Kimi." A perky squirrel dressed in white shirt, red tie, and brown khaki skirt pounced forward. She started shaking, spouting this and that about her excitement at being here. Her blonde hair bouncing with her, getting frizzy from the motion.

"Liz." A dark red, winged panther pawed forward, eyeing the pelican sinisterly. "Do you even exist?" Hetty asked the mythical creature.

"She looks real enough to me!" Chiclit the unicorn commented from the end of the line. Hetty let it go and checked both names on the list.

"Red Fox." Hetty looked up. A tall, female fox waved from her position in line. Hetty checked the name again. "Red Fox? Red Fox? Weren't you the old guy on Sanford and Son?!" The fox's expression drooped. "You can call me Meg." She grimaced. Hetty smiled and scrawled "Meg" in place of "Red."

"Chuba." "Sapphira." "Shelly." "Neko." "Chad."

She went through the rest of the list without incident and everyone had formed a new line, leaving their deep footprints in the moist sand behind them. Hetty pulled out a large sack seemingly from nowhere. "Now that we've got role-call taken care of, I need to pass out your air helmets." Walking down the row, she handed each one a glass bowl for their heads. Some people turned them over in their hands, inspecting them carefully. Some went ahead and put them on, eager to get going. Chatter soon erupted, little cliques forming, talking about their excitement, the impending trip, and how it was bound to be so worth it, it didn't even matter that there were no accommodations.

Hetty smiled her wide, toothy grin as she motioned to a metal hatch poking up above the water. "After ya'll." She smiled. Single file, the troupe entered the hatch. "We're taking a submarine down?" the timid armadillo, Shelly, asked sweetly. "No!" Hetty piped. "This is a diving bell. The expressions on the tourists' faces changed to one of concern, but it was too late, as the golden bobcat shoved the rest of the stragglers into the tiny hole before closing them in, securing her own helmet, and starting the decent.

"I'm sorry for the cramped conditions," Hetty smiled, "but it won't be long before you get to stretch your legs.

Once on the bottom, the diving bell flipped over and the tourists poured out onto the sandy sea floor.

"May I have your attention please! Everyone gather around. Gather around." Hetty began murmuring a head count as she waved her finger from one person to the next. "There are 12 of us including me. Hmm. This is a lot more than I figured would come." She rubbed her chin. "I'm going to have to divide us into three groups." Kimi and Kitty perked up, suddenly very interested. "I will choose a group leader from among you to guide your group." Kitty and Kimi seemed even more interested, having pushed their way to the front of the crowd. "Let's see." Hetty read through her clip-board. Kimi and Kitty looked eagerly over her shoulders. "Neko! You will be the first group leader." Neko batted her big, round, kitty eyes, turning over her shoulder as if she had been caught pleasantly off guard. She placed a hand to her chest, "Who? Me?" Kimi and Kitty slumped almost dragging their fingers in the sand as they walked away, dejected.

Hetty looked over her list again. "I need to choose one more group leader…" Kimi and Kitty excitedly looked over her shoulders once more. "Meg. You're the second group leader." Moping again, Kitty and Kimi slumped off. "And I'll lead the last group. We have an agenda to keep so…" Hetty continued lecturing to the crowd. Chiclit joined with Kimi and Kitty, walking slyly up to Meg. They silently looked at her out of the corners of their eyes. Meg, confused and a little concerned, looked back and forth suspiciously. Chiclit moved in closer and muttered out of the side of her mouth, "Choose us as your group. We'll make it worth your while." Meg looked at the others. They silently, knowingly, nodded. "We have our own agenda to keep." Chiclit continued. "What is this?!" Meg questioned, dumb-foundedly, "The mafia?!"

Kitty passed her a card surreptitiously. Meg skimmed over it before matching their sly, expressions. Kimi produced a rope out of nowhere, and the four of them slinked away from the crowd.

The groups are:

**G1. Meg Red the Fox**

_G1. GrayKittyGray Kitty_

_G1. KingdomofkaraKimi_

_G1. ChiclitChic_

**G2. LunaoroNeko**

_G2. ChadChad the bunny_

_G2. PencilbuttShelly_

_G2. BandgeekSapphira_

**G3. HettyHetty Bobcat**

_G3. Tartoon T Pelican _

_G3. BlackrosesLiz_

_G3. Igi1998Chuba_

"Now if everyone knows what the plan is, let's all head out! I hope everyone has their water-proof cameras!" The crowd dispersed. Hetty took her group and Neko took hers.


	2. Chapter 2

Neko checked her map, all the highlights of Bikini Bottom were marked and the town was small enough, they wouldn't even have to catch a bus. "If we go by foot, we'll be able to linger at special interest sights." She informed her group. "What should we do first?" Everyone raised their hands, waiting to be called on. Sapphira, the gray koala in Capri pants and largely with child was called on first. "I think we should get lunch at the Krusty Krab." She said meekly.

"Good suggestion!" Neko said, pointing at Sapphira. Shelly and Chad nodded in agreement. "To the Krusty Krab!" they marched onward, readying their questions, cameras, and wallets.

~*~

Meanwhile, at another part of Bikini Bottom Meg, Chiclit, Kimi, and Gray Kitty tiptoed behind a bushy growth of kelp and coral. "Who wants to see if he's home?" Meg asked, looking the pineapple house over. She glanced back at her team who were all looking at her. Her expression changed for a moment, "Who? Me?"

"You're the tallest." Kitty pointed out. With a huff and a sigh, the ridiculously tall fox slinked beside the outside wall of the fruit. Glancing in the window she peered into the pineapple living room. A snail lay on an inner-tube chair, apparently watching television. "Gary." She murmured excitedly. She pulled out her water-proof camera and snapped a quick shot. She moved around the back of the house and peaked into the kitchen window. Immaculately clean, but no sponge.

The top windows were too high for her. She motioned for the others who cautiously made their way beside her. Performing almost acrobatic feats, they managed to stand on each others shoulders, looking into the bedroom and even the bathroom. No sponge.

Back behind the coral and kelp they talked amongst themselves. "I think he must still be at work." Meg checked her watch. Chiclit sighed, her grass skirt wafting in the water current. "Should we wait?" she questioned. Everyone looked to each other, nodding. "Settle in, girls." Meg stated, lying on her belly. "We're here for the long haul." Everyone followed suit, lying down, stares practically beaming holes into the house, as if it would move if they averted their gaze.

~*~

Hetty looked over her map somewhere on the other side of town. She paid little attention to the winged panther walking a little too close to the pelican.

"You won't be able to eat me with that helmet on, so you might as well just give up." T. Pelican commented, barely even looking back at the cat licking her chops.

"Oh, I'm not gonna eat you." She commented huskily. "I'm gonna rape you." T's eyes shot wide. He bounded further to the front, cutting in front of Chuba the squirrel, as Liz chuckled low and growling.

"On to Jelly Fish Fields!" Hetty exclaims, pointing upward and outward, swiftly walking with fervor.

~*~

Neko approached the door to the Krusty Krab. "Okay everyone! Let's take snap-shots!!" everyone gathered around the sign, the door, the parking lot. Squidward, the pale greenish octopus cashier, noticed the hubbub from within.

"Mr. Krabs!" he called. Bright red and sweaty, the husky owner of the restaurant burst from his office. He, too, noticed the picture-taking and the bustle of the strange creatures. He eyed them suspiciously. "What are they up to?" he asked softly, under his breath. Standing by the register, he watched them enter, all looking quite touristy from behind their glass bowls.

"Are you planning on ordering something or just standing around stupidly?" Squidward asked the approaching throng. The group giggled simultaneously like school children. Sapphira, the koala, was pushed to the front first. She grinned nervously. "I'll have a …" she perused the menu briefly, "…Krabby Kombo #3 with fried oyster skins instead of kelp fries and a Dr. Kelp."

Everyone murmured what a good choice that was and Neko ordered next. "I'll have the junior-senior-sophomore patty and a powdered drift wood and a shake."

Chad the bunny ordered the Captain Olaf's Special and Shelly, still undecided, rushed through her order, a quarter-ouncer with kelp fries, sea-pickle on the side and a water.

"Can we watch Spongebob cook?" Chad asked excitedly. "No." Squidward's mono-syllabic reply left no room for argument. Chad walked to his table grumbling. Shelly stayed at the counter. Squidward paid her no attention.

"Um." She began with a small voice. Her black, round eyes gleamed, her expression was mousey and timid. Squidward did not acknowledge her. "Mr. Tentacles…" she tried again. Squidward continued to read his Dance Theatre Digest. "Can I ask…" she continued to look for some sign he may be actually listening to her. "Why is your name Squidward?" He looked up, still blank-faced, as if the very effort of putting down his magazine was aggravating. "I mean, you're an octopus. Why isn't your name…." she gulped nervously, "like, Octoman, or something." Squidward huffed an annoyed sigh. "If you must know," he began bitterly, "I was named after my great uncle Squidward Squidington." He dug in his wallet and found a picture. He showed Shelly the pointy-headed squid who sat at a grand piano in a comfortable-looking living room. Shelly grinned, satisfied.

"Order Up!" the high pitched voice came through the tiny window.

Spongebob took the tray of food out to the table. Everyone giggled and squealed excitedly. The Spongy fry cook looked nervous as he sat down the tray, smiled, and walked back to the kitchen.

After their meal, (the physics for eating of which I will not get into) the group got together, asking Mr. Krabs if they could get a photo with the Krusty Krab crew.

"I don't know. Do you have a dollar?" Everyone opened their wallets. Mr. Krabs smiled and money changed hands and photos were taken and the tour group left the restaurant full of food and life-time memories.

~*~

Hetty Bobcat led her group out of the grassy field, swarming with pink jellyfish. Everyone had a jar of jelly and a number of swollen injuries. They all smiled weakly as they made their way to the Krusty Krab.

"What's this? More tourists?" Mr. Krabs remarked, bursting forth from his office again. "Mr. Squidward! Are we becoming a tourist hub?! I think I'll have to start charging an entrance fee into me restaurant!" Mr. Krabs rushed to the door with a sign that read:

_Krusty Admission_

_$3.25 per person_

So caught up in the excitement of the moment, no one complained as they opened their wallets and purses and forked over the cash. It was vacation, after all and everyone expects to pay out the nose.

"I'll have a Monster Krabby Patty." Liz smirked. T. Pelican and Chuba glared at her, knowing what would happen. "Alright." She conceded, "I'll just have a double-pounder."

Chuba and Hetty both ordered regular Krabby Patty combos with cheese. "… and a Silly Meal for the lad." Hetty smiled, motioning to the wee T. Pelican. "It's not for the toy…." He started to defend. "Okay. It is for the toy."

Once again, a meal was received and consumed, the physics remaining a mystery to everyone reading, left to each and every viewer's imagination. "Can we get some photos of the Krusty Krab crew?" Hetty sounded like a far distant echo of the previous tour group. Mr. Krabs smiled, drool seeping from the side of his mouth.

"Do you have ten dollars?" Everyone opened their wallets. Mr. Krabs' heart almost stopped, but he collected the money and many photos were taken with Mr. Krabs, Squidward, Spongebob, the Krusty Krab restaurant, Chuba, Liz, T. Pelican, and Hetty Bobcat. It was an exciting experience for the vacationers and everyone left quite content. Mr. Krabs went back to his office, a stack of money in his claws and a look of bliss on his face.

~*~

While Hetty's group was at the Krusty Krab, Neko's group had gone to visit Sandy's tree dome. Chad knocked on the heavy metal door. "We're tourists." He answered Sandy as she asked, "Who is it?" Confused but obliging, Sandy let them in. "You must be here to see some of my inventions!"

Sandy guided them around her treedome, gadgets and gizmos cluttering up the place. She explained she had been working on modifying some of them and just hadn't gotten them put away yet, lucky for us.

Shelly stepped to the front of the crowd, tapping Sandy lightly on the elbow. "We've been waking around underwater all day and all we have are these air helmets, no wet-suits or anything and, well, I really hate water and being wet…" she shuddered, beginning to ramble.

"Hang on right there little armadiller." Sandy said with a wide grin. "I've got just the thing. This here is my industrial, full-body dryer." It looked like a giant floor heater with an over-sized hair-dryer motor on the back with one big switch that said "On" and "Off." Sandy flipped the toggle up and air started blasting forth, heating coils humming as they turned from orange to yellow to white. Shelly's flesh flapped back away from her mouth and eyes. She tried to squint but her eye-lids were being blown open. Tiny arms flailed helplessly in the gust. Sandy switched the motor off. Shelly sizzled for a moment as her eyes shriveled in their sockets. She looked like a desiccated mummy.

"I think I'd like to get back into the water." She moaned. Sandy thought for a moment. "That's funny. Most critters say the exact same thing!"

~*~

Back at Spongebob's pineapple house, Meg, Chiclit, Kimi, and Gray Kitty still lay on their stomachs, staring at the abode. "He's got to be getting off work soon." Kitty moaned. "I have such a crush on that yellow cube." Meg commented dreamily. "Oh, me too!" Kimi added spastically. The four girls sighed. "You know what would make this sponge-stalking group complete?" Meg remarked again. Before anyone could say anything, they heard a voice from above.

"Am I too late?" Squinting and shielding their eyes in the evening light of the underwater sun, they made out the form of a muffin wearing a glass, air-filled dome over her muffin-top. She floated easily down, landing amongst the group of sponge-stalkers. "I missed the boat. I had to hitch a ride on David Hasselhoff's back!" Muffin exclaimed, wiping non-existent sweat from the outside of her bowl.

As if on cue, the sound of child-like glee entered their ears in the form of "Lalalalalalalalalalalalallala." "Could it be?" Kimi bit her lip and held her own mouth to keep from screaming. "Muffin! You're right on time!" Gray Kitty exclaimed, putting her arm around the anthromorphic bread-product.

The yellow sponge walked his merry way to his front door and went inside. The sun was getting low and the water began to take on a deep, dark hue. "Operation stake-out is a go." Meg said seriously, fitting a headset over her ears. Kimi moved toward the pineapple with a metal satellite-dish-looking device, known by some as an electric ear. Muffin took out a grappling hook she "just so happened to have" and scaled the wall, drilling a tiny hole below the bedroom window and fitting an infrared camera into the space. Kitty set up the monitors, designating the kelp and coral patch to be their headquarters.

"Hey, since we're up to all of this, once he's asleep, you want to do an undie-raid?" Muffin suggested with a shrug. Everyone looked at her incredulously for a moment before thrusting their fists in the air, "Yes!!!"

~*~


	3. Chapter 3

Back on the island, Hetty prepared to do a head-count as everyone scurried around trying to fashion a shelter for themselves. Chad the bunny dug himself a little hole and lined it with grass. Luna weaved a make-shift canopy and balanced it over the edge of a boulder and laid down underneath it. Shelly also made herself a grass-lined hole and Sapphira strung herself up a little hammock. Chuba and T. Pelican made themselves their own little nests up high in the coconut trees. Liz used her bat-like wings to carry herself up, insisting that she share T's nest. He gulped but obliged, resolving not to sleep that night.

Hetty checked her clip board again. "Where's group one?" she tapped her head with the pencil. No sooner than she said that the girls walked up out of the water, smiling contentedly, remarkably each one with a pair of tighty-wighties on their heads. "I was gonna say, 'I'm not going to even ask,' but who is this?" Hetty pointed the pencil toward the muffin. "Oh, this is Muffin. She's in our group." Kimi and Kitty said and Meg smiled in agreement. They all walked off, setting up a series of computers and screens and electronic listening devices.

The tour guide deiced to just let it go.

~*~

Bright and early the next morning, Hetty Bobcat started rousing the guests. "Okay campers! Up and at 'em! It's a brand new day and time to squeeze in everything you didn't get the chance to do yesterday!!" No one seemed to notice or care that Meg's group and their equipment was gone already, footprints leading to the sea.

Neko's group headed out to Jelly Fish Fields for a breakfast picnic and some jellyfishing. Hetty's group visited Sandy's treedome.

Hetty knocked on the door. Sandy, a little surprised to see more tourists, invited them in. "Howdy! I guess ya'll are here to take a gander at my inventions!" Everyone nodded eagerly – wide, goofy, smiles painted on their faces. Hetty immediately broke away from everyone else, walking curiously over to the giant industrial sized full-body dryer. "Hmm. What does this do."

Chuba approached Sandy respectfully.

The wooshing sound of air suddenly behind him, "AAAAHHHHHH!!!"

"I do a little karate myself, Ms. Cheeks." He smiled wryly. "How do you feel about a challenge?" Sandy returned the smirk.

"I never back down from a challenge. Especially when I know I'll kick the challenger's butt." The two of them bowed to each other. T. Pelican ran screaming somewhere off in the distance, chased down by the mythical winged panther.

The fight was epic with amazing poses, kicks, punches, jumps, flips. Neither landed a single blow, so skilled each was at blocking the other's attacks. T. Pelican, being held down by the lusty Liz, commented, "Hmm. You'd think that a battle that epic, there'd be more…. Fighting." His moment of distraction over, he returned his attention to the wicked smile of the panther.

In the end, Sandy landed a soft kick to Chuba's backside. "Game point." Sandy panted, sweating. Chuba tightened his belt, removing his blue hat from his head and bowing respectfully. "Good match." She smiled, shaking his hand. "It was an honor." He added, tightening his grip, and giving her a hearty hand shake.

"RAPE!" T shouted, completely bound in ropes, hopping frantically away. Hetty, now crispy and shriveled, turned to see the commotion. Liz ran close behind, sensing the stares she stopped, huffing, out of breath. "I wasn't gonna rape him… much."

At that, Sandy insisted it was time for everyone to "hit the ol' dusty trail" because it was getting late in the day and she had so much to do, etcetera, etcetera.

"What now?" Liz asked, slightly annoyed. Everyone stood thoughtfully for a moment or two. "Wanna go roll the Chum Bucket?" the little pelican asked when he had been freed from his tethers. The group began a low chorus of agreement, "Yeah," "Sure." "Sounds good to me."

~*~

"I got him. He just went into the bathroom." Kitty monitored the video feed of Spongebob's bedroom. "I hear the water running. He's in the shower." Kimi confirmed with her electronic listening device. "I say we move in." Muffin looked serious. Meg placed a hand on her shoulder sternly. "I'm the leader. I give the order." Everyone looked to the red fox for the guidance they longed for. "Move in." Everyone paused, her voice was low, just above a whisper. She looked at the faces of her troupe. "Go! Go! Go! Move it! Move it! Hup two Hup two!" Scrambling, the girls hot-footed it army-style and with the skills beyond their few years, made a flawless entry and dug in, waiting.

~*~

Neko had acquired her own clipboard by this time, maintaining organized notes and envelopes full of pictures. Everyone had enjoyed toast with jelly fish jelly at Jelly Fish Fields and a couple even had jars of jelly, and a few injuries, to remember the trip. Patrick Star had been jellyfishing, so everyone got to meet him, fish with him, and take pictures with him. "I think it's about time to take a tour of Conch Street." Neko said excitedly, her big round eyes sparkling at everyone's positive reactions. Pulling out cameras, they ran in the direction of Spongebob's neighborhood.

~*~

Spongebob walked out of his bathroom, head turbaned in a towel, another wrapped around his waist. "Almost ready for my favorite thing in the sea, work!" he started to say to his snail, Gary. He stopped, wide eyed. "Holy Shrimp!" he screamed as a horde of girls in fatigues jumped him.

Lashed to his bed by the wrists and ankles, he looked back and forth from intruder to intruder, fear in his eyes. "What are you going to do with me?" he choked out, biting his bottom lip with widely spaced buck teeth. Sinister expressions spread onto smiling faces as Meg pulled out a little blue feather. "You're gonna laugh for us." The others giggled, joining in on her mirth. She moved the feather closer to his tiny bare foot. He curled his toes, trying to pull away but he couldn't escape the tickle and his sobs of panic turned into tears of laughter. He guffawed his warbley laugh to the sick enjoyment of the sponge-stalkers.

"Stop! Please!" he managed between outbursts of laughter. A knock on the door made everyone freeze. All eyes, even Spongebob's, turned to the stairway, as if they could some how see who was at the front door from upstairs.

"Just a minute!" he called, smiling, in a voice one would never suspect came from a person being held captive and tortured through relentless tickling.

"I guess we have to untie you." Gray Kitty said sadly. "I guess so." Spongebob agreed, showing no ill will. He stood beside the bed, newly freed, rubbing his wrist to ease the rope burn. "Can I ask…" he started as they all walked downstairs to get the door, "why did you break into my house and tie me up in the first place?" A pall of guilt and shame fell over the girls. "I guess, I guess it's because we love you so much!" Muffin pouted. Spongebob looked surprised for a moment. Meg clarified. "We're such big fans of yours." Spongebob hadn't realized that his cooking was _that_ good, but who was he to argue with praise. Meg continued. "We wanted you all to ourselves and when the opportunity arose, we just acted on impulse."

"Well," Spongebob started, looking more like a teacher to a classroom of naughty children, "No harm no fowl." He switched gears again, excited and happy, just in time, as they reached the door. As the door flung open, Spongebob was greeted to blindness as flashbulbs went off. "Spongebob Squarepants! We're such big fans!!"

"Come right in." he invited, rubbing his eyes and feeling his way into his living room.

"Hey! You guys are here too!" Shelly pointed out, referring to Meg's team. "Uh, yeah. We, uh, just got here ourselves." Meg lied. "Can I offer anyone something to drink?" The sponge's voice floated in from the kitchen.

"I'll have some water, please." Sapphira panted, sitting on the low sofa. "Are you okay?" Muffin asked the winded koala. "I'm fine. It's just really late in my pregnancy and I've been getting some cramps." She assured.

"So. What brings you all to Bikini Bottom? Are you all from the surface?" Spongebob asked as he carried in a tray of drinks.

"We're part of the Bikini Bottom tour group." Shelly imparted.

"It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to visit. We wanted to see all the sights." Chad chimed in. "And meet you and your friends." Neko added. Spongebob glanced briefly at group one, the members of which smiled sheepishly.

Another knock on the door. "I'll get it!" Spongebob leapt up, as if someone might beat him to the door. Hetty's group flashed their cameras as their host opened the door. "Spongebob! We're such big fans!" The entire team had strips of toilet paper draped around them. No one dared asked why.

"Can I get anyone else a drink?" Spongebob asked, showing the new guests into the living room. It was getting rather crowded and most people simply stood around. Spongebob sat in his lounge-chair, stroking Gary who had slithered onto the arm of the chair beside him.

For about an hour there was much commotion, questions, and picture-taking. Sapphira reclined on the sofa, breathing deeply and evenly as she held her stomach and gritted her teeth. No one paid her any attention. She was being so quiet, she was completely lost to everyone in the moment of excitement.

"…and then Squidward ran in wearing nothing but bubbles!" Spongebob recounted an anecdote that was disrupted by the sudden and loud grunt from the area of the couch. Everyone's laughter ceased immediately as another off-key groan cut through the room. Shelly, who was sitting closest to Sapphira, took her hand. "Are you alright?" her concern was genuine, as was everyone's. Spongebob moved to the front to stand beside her. He took her other hand. Sapphira moaned again, loud and off-key. It was a worrying sound.

"I think it's time." she grunted through a tensed jaw, her breathing was laborious now.

"Time for what?" Spongebob started to ask before chaos erupted in his house.

"We've got to get her to the hospital! Does anyone know how to deliver a baby!" someone shouted. T. Pelican puffed out his chest. "I can deliver this baby!" He exclaimed full of confidence. Hetty glared at him, causing him to shrink back. "We can't take her to the hospital!" Gray Kitty shouted, bringing everyone's attention to the obvious. "We're under the ocean! The baby will drown!"

Sapphira almost passed out with panic from hearing those words.

"We've got to get her back to the island!" Hetty urged, trying to usher the laboring woman to a mostly standing position.

"There's no time for that! We have to take her to Sandy's!" Spongebob's suggestion was simple, brilliant, unexpected. "To Sandy's!" Hetty exclaimed. Chuba carried Sapphira most of the way. At Sandy's they knocked frantically. Sandy was hesitant to open the door at first until her spongy friend's voice came over the intercom system. "Sandy! It's an emergency!"

Sapphira was set up on the sofa in Sandy's living room. Everyone else waited outside in the yard. Sandy stepped out the door. "She's got to labor for a while. She's not quite ready. All we can do is wait. But you can be sure, when that baby's ready to go, it's gonna be one heck of a rodeo! So I won't need all ya'll crowding around.

Minutes turned into hours and people started forming little cliques, talking and playing games to combat boredom and fatigue. Sandy had vanished again into the tree house. Another heart-wrenching moan drew everyone's attention as Sandy burst through the door. "I need someone to give me a hand! Is there anyone here with any kind of qualifications?!"

T started to step forward, but a glare from Hetty sent him stepping back before he'd even moved up. "I think Neko and I are the only ones here who have any experience, as we're the only ones here with children!" Sandy nodded, pointing to them both and then motioning into the room. "Spongebob! I need one more set of hands. You think you can handle it?" He looked side to side nervously. "I'll do what I can." He said, trying to convince himself of his own aptitude.

Meg, Chic, Kitty, Kimi, and Muffin stood together, not saying a word, simply staring at the tree trunk, as if somehow they were able to stare right through the wood and into the room. Liz sat next to T, so absorbed in the moment, she didn't even try to accost him. Chuba, Shelly, and Chad sat at the picnic table, trying to focus on something else.

In the room, Sandy stood ready to receive the infant. Another tearing scream erupted, guttural, from the petite marsupial. A tiny pink, furless baby koala crawled its way up Sapphira's fur, finding its way to her pouch. Sandy looked surprised for a moment, having completely forgotten about the differences in marsupial births as opposed to the birthing process of other mammals. Spongebob seemed equally surprised. "That wasn't at all how I thought it was going to be." Hetty commented to Neko as she wiped the sweat from her furry brow. Her sister-in-law nodded her agreement.

Sapphira beamed with happiness and relief. "Thank you so much for your help. She's a beautiful baby girl." Sapphira informed. Spongebob and Sandy looked at each other appreciatively. "In honor of your great effort, and the momentous occasion happening during my tour to meet you guys, I'm going to name her… Spandy."

Back on the beach of the island, Hetty did another head-count. She noted that she had started out with 11 tourists plus herself. That's 12. Now she has 13 tourists plus herself. That's 14. "What an interesting trip. It was even more eventful than I could have imagined." She smiled to herself.

The tourists filed grudgingly back into the cargo net of the freight ship. Sapphira and her newborn were chartered a helicopter back to the main-land and Muffin called Hasselhoff again who agreed to give her a ride back.

"Have a good trip back!" Hetty Bobcat waved to the tourists. Tired but happy, everyone couldn't wait to get home.

Down below the surface at the Krusty Krab Mr. Krabs caressed his photographs of the tourists he had come to be so attached to. "What's wrong, Mr. Krabs?" Squidward asked, not actually that concerned about his boss's emotional state. "You didn't know them that long. You can't possibly be missing them that much!" With tears in his eyes, Mr. Krabs turned to his cashier. "Oh, Mr. Squidward, I do! I miss every one of 'em!" Squidard was almost touched. Almost. Until he noticed that the photographs were of their wallets and purses. The sobbing crustacean lamented, looking to the sky through the window of the Krusty Krab restaurant. "I hope we meet again someday soon."

The End.


End file.
